Before the House, We Built a Home
“A buyer’s market,” they call it. What a journey.
So many things to consider, location, distance, year built, mortgage, insurance, property taxes, color choices, and the list goes on. Honestly, I don’t know how anyone does it without a realtor. A good one, I must say.
Nate and I went back and forth for a long time about whether we should continue renting or buy a house. After running the numbers, we realized we would essentially be paying the same amount for a mortgage as we were for rent, the big difference being that one would belong to us.
Friends recommended a realtor who was truly a 10/10. House hunting officially started.
The paperwork alone was dizzying, and this was just phase one. No house in sight yet. It honestly felt like playing house as kids again, two babies dreaming of a place to grow our family.
It was early December when we were “just visiting” a new construction home. Before we left, Nate said, “I think you’re going to like this one.” He had stopped by the day before on his lunch break and knew my non-negotiables well: space for an office, an open kitchen, spacious closets, and a reasonable commute from his job, plus a few other details I won’t bore you with.
We arrived with one agreement: we were just looking. No commitment. If I loved it, I wouldn’t show it. That was the plan.
Everything was going smoothly, until I stepped onto the main floor. I knew it. Right there and then, this was it. Play it cool, Michelle.
I tried convincing myself out loud: “We’re not even looking for our dream home. CLT isn’t our forever city. This could be a rental someday… a short-term place.” This was me, attempting to play it cool.
Our realtor and the property manager gave us a moment alone. We looked at each other and laughed. We both knew we wanted it. We also knew our budget, and this one home… was outside of it. But in my mind, I kept hearing: favor beats budget. favor beats budget.
“Let’s just go through the process to get a real estimate,” I told Nate.
He replied, “That’s just going to make us like it more.”
“No, no, we just need accurate numbers. We’re not committing.”
Sure… blink blink.
Then came the questions:
White cabinets or wood?
Modern or traditional?
Quartz or granite?
Single sink or double?
Chrome, black, or brushed nickel?
We just smiled at each other.
It may not seem like a big deal to many, but to us, it felt like stepping into Narnia. We get to choose all of this? Nate and I grew up with very limited options. Society often tells people like us that we don’t get to choose. And yet, there it was again: favor beats budget.
We didn’t know if it would work out. But we’ve always been dreamers. Separately, and now together.
I’ll spare you the details, but long story short, we made an offer. And once again, favor beat budget. It was accepted, with our requests and preferences included.
Something unexpected happened, though. We weren’t overly hyped. We felt peace. Gratitude. Not adrenaline.
And then it hit me.
They were building us a house, but we had built a home long before this.
For three years of marriage, we weren’t choosing countertops or flooring. We were choosing values. Pillars for our marriage and family. Character. Community. What we want to be known for. We were laying a foundation that lasts.
So yes, we’re grateful for the house. But what truly matters isn’t the walls or the finishes. It’s who we are to one another. And who we are still becoming.
As this new year begins, and goals, resolutions, and “ins and outs” are everywhere, I want to offer this encouragement:
Choose wisely what you’re building in the home of your soul.
That’s what remains when everything else fades away. Everything on the outside can point that you are a "successful, bright person” but at what cost if that isn’t true on the inside. All material stuff and appearances won’t last forever and won’t satisfy you fully. Building something that lasts takes time.
I hope to share more about our process of building ourselves, and each other, in future blogs. It’s a journey we’re still walking.
Doing the Work
If your life were a house, which areas feel like a solid foundation, and which need attention or care?
When have you seen “favor beat budget” in your own life, moments where unexpected grace or provision arrived? How can you recognize and step into those opportunities without fear?
